mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
