she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
