I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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