the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
