So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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