Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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