My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
