i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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