I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
