My nipple is on Facebook.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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