i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Randomize
