i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
