Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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