You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
