Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
