Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
