Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
