I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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