My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
