were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
