Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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