My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
