Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
