You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
