i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
