white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize