i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
