girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
