Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize