Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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