Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Life is so much better after having sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
