He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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