omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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