puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
