At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
