i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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