I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drake has all the answers
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
