i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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