my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
