just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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