god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
