tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
