So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
