$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm having to shit out rocks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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