and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
