Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
