if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
