I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
