ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
