god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
