so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
