So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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