if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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