Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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