I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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