uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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