somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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