Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
