Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
