he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
