i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
