I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
