So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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