i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
