we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
