Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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