I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
