Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
