Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
