Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
