Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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