in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I would fuck him just for his dog
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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