I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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