Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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