Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
