my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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