If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
