oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
