Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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