ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The adults are the big ones right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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