end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
