Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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