I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
