Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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