areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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