haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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