omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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