Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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