she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
