Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So many bounce houses so little time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
