So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
