Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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