Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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