belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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