I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
