just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also, beer. Big fan.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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