I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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