Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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