I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
