So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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