life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
